The Black Abyss

To tell the plain and simple truth

Most times I feel like I’m in the dark hole

I can’t get out of

Happiness, love and joy are all around me

But I can’t touch it, no matter how hard I try

 

It’s like I’m from another dimension looking in

Everyone is smiling and laughing around me

But my laughter and smiles, I can’t release from within

 

They’re fake; they are not real

It’s so surreal, the way I feel

There is nothing I want more than genuine happiness and joy

But real joy feels so out of my grasp

My toxic thoughts; they destroy

 

Why can’t I enjoy the things I love the way I should

Like my family, sunshine, a walk in the park,

and all wonderful things that are good

 

I pray, I asked God for freedom every day

But it’s like my request goes on deaf ears

At least at times like these, that is how it appears

 

But good things happen all around me

and I know they are blessings from Him

But me, I’m choking and suffocating

I can’t breathe them in

 

That’s not what I want, that’s not the life I dream of

Everyday I pray,

Lay down my heart’s desires to the Lord above

 

I want freedom, freedom from these chains

I want a life to love and be proud of,

Before I go insane

 

I want joy, genuine joy

I want to be happy in my skin

I want to love the “me” on the outside

as much as the “me” within

 

I see a ray of sunlight shining through this black abyss

I try to touch it, I try to grasp it

But it disappears whenever I do this

 

Where does my hope go?

Why does my faith fall apart?

Where is my strength?

Why is there so much fear in my heart?

 

Am I the Devil’s footstool, or an instrument of God?

Am I a damaged soldier or in the winning squad?

 

I am more than a conqueror

and I will overcome

I am God’s warrior Princess

And I know where I came from

 

Victory is already mine

It’s only a matter of time

 

 

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